Our Story

Written by Heather

A side from Melissa: Bethany Christian Services, Ariana's 'family matchmaker' and endless supporter, recently awarded Ariana with a grant, providing funds to spend on her developmental and emotional needs. In turn, Bethany asked Jim and Heather to write an essay on their adoption story. From my humble perspective, with these most beautifully-written words below, it gets harder and harder to continue to ask God, "Why?" when He has clearly and consistently given me the answer in Jim and Heather. I am now and will forever be grateful to be a part of their story.

Jim and I came to adoption like most couples probably do. We had been trying to conceive for about six years, trying natural remedies and hormones to try to treat our unexplained infertility. But at some point we decided it was just God’s will that we not have children of our own. We needed to look into adoption. We had filled out paperwork for a couple of international agencies, but once it came to looking at the price and the time off work needed, we went no further.

In 2008 we had an opportunity to adopt privately, and thought our prayers were answered. After months of increasing expectations, the adoption was disrupted the week before the baby’s birth. We understood the instability of that particular situation and wanted further guidance in the process. Almost immediately we were in contact with a small local agency. We were told they just completed an adoption and we were the only couple they were working with at the time. We had some meetings and in April updated our home-study which we had completed for the previous opportunity. By the following winter there was hope. By January, that birthmother decided not to place her baby, but there was another birthmother he just recently started working with.

Over the years, Jim and I had developed pretty thick skin. We learned not to really get excited about anything, not to buy or prepare for a placement. We coped by telling ourselves, if it is God’s will that we never have children, we will be happy that we at least have each other. By early March of 2010, this most current birth mom was getting towards the end of her pregnancy. We were given some more details of her situation, but we never met or spoke with her. She gave birth to a baby boy on March 31, 2010. We spent a couple of days in the hospital with him, but ultimately, she also decided not to place her baby for adoption. After a day or so of being numb, it was back to work. We slowly started to close ourselves off more and more. We wanted to be private in our grief, but also ended up closing each other off. That following summer brought tests to our faith and our marriage. When we were at our weakest, when all we could do is get down and pray, that is when we were finally able to open up, to have some clarity and perspective about God’s plan for our life.

Towards the fall of 2010, we started to get ourselves back on track, reconnected. Both of us wanted a family, and we were open to whatever child God would bring to our life. By April 2011, we had had enough of the agency we were currently dealing with. Despite the money paid, we would not hear from them. We did not feel they were acting in our best interest and we wanted someone who would.

After searching the web, we kept seeing one name-Bethany Christian Services. They were nationwide, dealt with domestic and international adoptions and even had a local office. We found out there would be an information meeting at the end of the month, so we signed up and went. We were so encouraged and felt almost immediately ready to get started again. This time we would have more control. There would be monthly waiting family meetings, we would create a profile and could even post that on the web to give ourselves more exposure.

A day-long training session opened our hearts and minds up to the reality and positive outcomes of an open adoption. Previously we had wanted a baby to raise ourselves. We did not want to have another person to care for as well, in part and maybe even compete with for affections. But when you hear personal stories from birth moms, adoptive parents and the children also, there is no question of the benefits of an open adoption.

Once we decided to go ahead with the application, some excitement waned. It was a very lengthy and intense process, and we were partially left at the mercy of others to get it to completion. But by the fall the application was complete, and we were ready to start on another home-study. Final approval from Bethany did not come until July 10, 2012. It seemed like such a long year, and we had opened ourselves up to so much more than we could have imagined. Was this our time? We decided that any situation was worth a look, we would consider anything, regardless of race, sex or the mother’s social and medical history. God would bring us the child right for us, and help us raise her as she needed. All we had to do was trust Him.

The next Bethany waiting families meeting was a picnic at the lake. It was a casual potluck dinner with a family to speak of their adoption experience. It was mid-August and Jim had just lost his father. Around that time we received an email about a special needs baby who needed a placement. I read the situation and it broke my heart. It also scared me. I was pretty sure this was over our heads, but I wanted to let Jim know about it and get his input. He was just quiet. I knew he also thought it was too much for us to handle. The following week, though I started to feel some sadness. I discussed this with Jim. I felt that maybe we had not yet been successful in our journey, because we were not being as open as God wanted us to be. I did not want to rule anything out, and maybe a special needs adoption is what God wanted from us. About a month later, October 5, 2012, we received another email. This was looking for a placement for baby girl born August 18, 2012, and diagnosed with Smith-Magenis Syndrome. This email referred us to the PRISMS website for more information on this rare genetic disorder. I looked through it and thought if we just sent our profile in, the rest would be in God’s hands. I waited anxiously for Jim to get home from work and showed him the email. We looked at the PRISMS website together, and he said as I felt. The major hurdles would be in the future, with love and prayer we could handle it, God willing. We sent an email that night to have our profile sent to this couple.

I prayed everyday just that God’s will be done concerning this little girl, Ariana. That was the name given by her birthparents, the name they wanted her to keep. It means “holy one,” we later learned. They both wanted to be involved in all of her life, but that was all we knew for now. After about a week or so, I began to think maybe this was not God’s will. The email made it sound like they needed a family right away but we had not heard anything. But that was okay; at this point the years brought us to that place. No matter what, if we are patient and are trying to do God’s will, it would be okay.

We were scheduled for another monthly waiting families meeting. It was October 18, 2012 and we drove and got to that meeting a little late. It was in a different venue for us and a training conference had started. We found seats towards the back and listened and learned. At the end of the meeting, Mark, our adoption counselor came up to us and said he needed to talk to us. My heart skipped a beat. We went and sat down and he said “well, good news – Ariana’s birth parents want to meet you. What do you think?” I was happy, excited and nervous. We had never met birth parents before. This was something new, and I just knew it was going to be the beginning of our family. This was what all those years had prepared us for. We would all four meet, via Skype, the following Thursday morning.

The next day at work, I needed to request that Thursday off. It was short notice and my boss questioned why. She and all my coworkers knew not to ask any questions about how the adoption was going. It had been a four year process. Emotionally, I did not want to be fielding questions all the time, so it just was not brought up. But now I was asked a direct question, so I told her all about it. She was so happy for us, but promised not to say anything. This was the first (with one exception) we had told anyone about Ariana.

So that Thursday morning we searched for the appropriate clothing and wrote down some questions we wanted to ask this couple. When we got to the Bethany office, and after a brief technical difficulty, we heard Andrew’s voice. We had no idea what to expect, and were sweaty with anxiety, but in a few short moments, Andrew, Melissa and their caseworker, Cindy, put us at ease. Andrew went right into telling us all about his beautiful baby girl and her diagnosis. Melissa was understandably quiet and tearful at times, but would cheerfully add so many positive details. They told us about their son, Ariana’s brother, Asa, and how they had come to this hard decision for their family. I think we all talked freely for over an hour. We probably could have gone on much longer if not for time constraints with the appointment. The caseworkers closed saying we would all discuss and get back to each other. Once offline, Mark asked what we thought. I said, “I’m all in. If they want us, this is what we want.” Despite our excitement, we did have a nagging feeling like we would be breaking up a family. He said to make sure we take some time to think about it and get back to him.

I think it was the following day I called. Again Mark said, “What do you think?” I told him we discussed it, we felt this is what God was calling us to do, if the family decides they like us. He told us that the family said they had a gut feeling about us from our profile and meeting us via Skype confirmed that feeling for them. They were all in too. He asked when we could go to meet them in person. I asked if Monday was too soon. I got in touch with their caseworker, Cindy, and we set up a meeting for Monday in their local Bethany office. She called me later on to ask if we would like to meet just Andrew and Melissa for dinner the night prior, and that is what we planned.

That Sunday evening we met for dinner and had a four hour conversation. We just got more familiar with each other and with the idea of this family we would be creating together. Oh, and we finally got to see some pictures of Ariana. She was so much more beautiful and sweet looking than we could have imagined. After this conversation, we felt like we had known this couple for years and empathized with all they were going through. We felt a connection with them like we have never had with anyone else. The following morning we would meet again, and also get to meet Ariana and Asa. With all the anticipation, we could hardly sleep that night.

That morning we met with Melissa, Andrew and Asa. Asa seemed super cautious as if knowing the important role we would play in his sister's life, and fully assessing whether we were up to this important task. After a little while we were left to feed Ariana and just spend some time alone with her. Shortly after Jim, Cindy and I met to discuss our feelings, and Cindy relayed Melissa’s and Andrew’s feelings about us. We all seemed to be in agreement. There was paperwork signed that day and a date set for us to come back for an entrustment ceremony in which we would become guardians and a second set of parents for Ariana, partnered with Andrew and Melissa, and a support for them and Asa. That was set nine days away. We were as happy and excited as we could be. A five hour drive home and some days back at work was little time to prepare for this little, big, life-changing miracle.

The Entrustment Ceremony was planned by Melissa. There was a photographer to capture the beautiful moments, a unity candle, words from both of our caseworkers, as well as by Melissa’s mom. It was put together perfectly, with family and friends there to share in the blessings. It was a special embodiment of starting our lives together as a family, and will always be remembered with great joy.

After meeting this family, Jim and I vowed to be everything we could be for them; as open as we could be, as sharing and loving as we could be. And it all came so easily. God chose us to raise this most amazing, beautiful girl, but by His grace, He also chose for her and us a new, wonderful, extended family to love. A family that is so in love with her, and with what we are all creating for her. Their love is so apparent and we love them all for it. We know, only together, can we raise Ariana to be all she is destined to be.

It has been four blessed months since we have received Ariana. She is growing so fast and brings so much love and joy to our lives. She is meeting all of her milestones, has adjusted well and is just a happy baby. Melissa and I talk, at least, weekly. Through this time she has given us such special gifts which she had prepared before we even received Ariana. One such gift is a photo book called Ariana’s Beginings. It is such a beautiful document of Ariana and her life with her birth family, and also of how she came to live with Jim and me. This love that Ariana’s family has for her is so evident and pours out so freely, how could we ever do anything but embrace it and them.

We plan to spend many family events and holidays, together, as family. We will share all the moments, the memories and the milestones that make life so special. Ariana is special in so many ways, and deserves every bit of love that comes her way. Through this adoption experience we have learned that we also deserve this extra special love. It is a love that is not focused on us, but on one of God’s littlest ones. In being able to share this love and this great new family, we have discovered the feeling of God’s love. It had always been there, we were just too focused on ourselves to feel it. And this is what God had planned for us all along.

The hurdles foreseen with Ariana’s diagnosis are in the future. We are at God’s mercy, and pray for his care and guidance. But the four of Ariana’s parents; Melissa, Andrew, Jim and I stand together strong. We will get through whatever life brings and love every minute of it. This is our new family, this is our new normal.